CALMDOWN.

ask.    subbbbmit   im gemma. i hate school, love cats.

"When he screamed in my face and pushed me against his car that night, he told me I was worthless but I was the one to say sorry. Over and over again, I was sorry. When he left me standing in the parking lot by my house I could do nothing but hate myself for making him leave me. When I was a little girl it was a mistake of trusting a man that I barely knew, just because he was my own blood. His evil eyes made his way up my dress along with his hands, and ever since then I don’t think I could lose my virginity without crying into the man I love’s chest. When I tell someone how I’m feeling inside, I always let the word, sorry slip out when I’m finished. I feel like I am dumping my emotion onto their chest and suffocating them like it suffocates me. Then they end up getting upset with me, because I offend them when I apologize. At fifteen a boy kissed me like he loved me, and the next day he never called me back or answered my texts. I couldn’t help but think maybe I fucked it up somehow, maybe when I talked about heaven and dying it turned him off. Maybe he just didn’t want to deal with it. He didn’t want to deal with me. The last text I sent him was, “sorry.” When my mother is angry she tends to raise her voice and say things “she doesn’t mean.” I can’t help but believe her when she calls me crazy, and I can’t help but think that maybe my dad drinks so much because he hates his life. I can’t help but think maybe it’s because of me, do I ask for too much? Is it because I’m always sad? Am I not good enough, what did I do? The love of my life is the most amazing man in the world yet when his voice gets quiet on the phone I can’t help but question if he’s okay because I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. I always ask over and over, if he loves me because I need the reassurance that I’m not some crazy bitch. When my friend texts me and I don’t respond for a few hours I am afraid she will think it’s because I don’t care but in reality it’s because I can’t think of anything to talk about when my mind is filled with this negativity about myself. I just always feel like I am doing wrong. I am wrong, I am damaged, by other people’s mistakes, I take credit for. That’s what I do wrong.."
i.c. // I need to stop being sorry (via delicatepoetry)

(via delicatepoetry)

— 18 hours ago with 2028 notes

hxeroine:

got 300$ today all I wanna do is spend it on drugs

(via hxeroine)

— 18 hours ago with 138 notes
"July 20th 4:01 a.m-
So the sun is about to come up soon and I know I’m not getting a good morning message from you. I stayed up all night remembering those seductive messages and sweet thoughts. I’m too lazy to romanticize this goodbye with pretty words and trailing ellipses. I waited a year to say this goodbye, I waited this year hoping that you’d come back. I guess you’re too busy with better people and a brighter world. They all said to “just say goodbye.” They never knew that it wasn’t that easy. I know you’ve moved on, so I’m sorry for holding on to little pieces of you to keep what we had alive. I’m greedy I suppose. Now; here I am, giving back everything. Deleting messages and waiting for a sunrise. For now, this will be the last thing I write to you. I know I’ll miss you for a long time. I guess it’s about time I leave our memories behind. I hope they all see the brilliant parts of you, I hope they realize what a gift you are. We never forget our first love, but our first love isn’t our only. I’m so fucking thankful to have had you in my life. Yet, this is it. This is my goodbye. If you ever wonder about me, I’ll finally be doing okay.
Thank you for showing me love.
Thank you for showing me pain.
I don’t need you anymore.
Goodbye.
-July 20th 4:32 a.m"
The Final Goodbye (via actuates)

(via scars-scars-scars-scars)

— 18 hours ago with 7818 notes

clown-dick:

for someone who pretends to have no emotions whatsoever im really sensitive

(via broken--and--scared)

— 18 hours ago with 544147 notes

urbancatfitters:

you had me at “hello” and you lost me at “i think your friend is cute”

(Source: urbancatfitters, via trust)

— 1 day ago with 553996 notes
lifeof-ty:

Hiking to a tea house in the mountains couldn’t be any more beautiful.Instagram @tymurf

lifeof-ty:

Hiking to a tea house in the mountains couldn’t be any more beautiful.
Instagram @tymurf

(via anxius)

— 2 days ago with 15526 notes